Mia had been a little unwell, just not herself for a couple of days. Her eyes then started to look puffy, like she had an allergy to something. I had just got two kittens for the girls and thought that maybe mia was allergic to them. The kittens got put outside! Mia didnt improve. One day josh stayed home with Mia and i went to work. I received a phone call from him around recess time saying Mia was no better and was sleepy all the time. I went straigt home and took her up to the emergency dept at katherine hospital.
At triage i told them the symptoms and we were taken in immediately and a dr came straight over to us. I was sitting on the bed with mia resting on my legs, as i was holding her she stopped breathing. We there less than 15 minutes!
Nurses came fom everywhere, one of them got the scissors and cut her tshirt open, the doctor was calling for the other doctor to come. I remember the other dr yelling out from behind the curtain that she was doing something and be there soon. The doctor working on mia yelled out NOW!she has stopped breathing...then everything started to get crazy. I was crying, watching all these people do all these medical things to my daughter to save her life. I was just staring. A nurse then got me a chair, another then bought me her baby pandora bracelet. This made me cry even more. This to me was a sign i had lost her, that she was gone. Giving jewelery is what happens at death. My parents wedding rings were given to me when they died, i assumed this is what just happened with Mia. I was a mess.
I rang josh and said he needed to get up to the hospital imediately that things werent good, i also rang my mother in law who is very close to Mia. They were both there within ten minutes.
By now the doctors who had happened to be down from darwin hospital were asking me questins about her condition,her neuro surgery team in adelaide etc. One doctor rang the surgeon in adelaide who talked her through a procedure to drain fluid from Mias brain. My god! You have got to be joking i thought...a doctor being talked through a procedure, not really knowing what to do? I thought id lose Mia for good! However, these doctors savec my little girls life,Mia was back but with breathing tube in. Her face and eyes were so puffed up you couldnt recognise her. It was like she had gone ten rounds with mike tyson! But hey, she was alive.
We were flown to darwin immediately...i had to quickly drive home to get some gear as we would be off to adelaide aswell for weeks. On the way home of course i was pullec over by police as the speed camera was out! What a great day i was having! They asked me why i was speeding i told them what had happened and before id finished my sentence they said, off you go, quick! Good to have cops with a heart!
When i arrived back at the hospital we waited for the ambulance to take us to the plane. Josh and Gosia (mother in law) said goodbye and we were off. In darwin she was taken straigt to theatre to have an EVD put in ~this is a drainage tube on the outside of her head, which drains the fluid from her ventricles. I was shown to a room with a bed where i could lie down and rest whilst Mia was in theatre. Not that i could rest. But i laid down, thinking, waiting.
Finally she was out and they came and got me and took me to her in ICU. I was shocked....Mia my beautiful litle girl with long locks, with curls at the bottom was now bald, puffy and a tube breathing for her! After the initial shock weared off i was fine, thinking hair can grow back, she will get off this tube....at least she is here still.
The next morning we were on our way to adelaide. After seeing he surgeons the decision was made that we had to wait for a new shnt to be put in as there wa blood in the fluid that was draining. It needed to be clear fluid for surgery.
After three weeks we got that surgery and the new shunt was in. Now came the hard part. Mia woke up but didnt recognise me. Nothing i did would get her laughing like she used to. After a few days she tried to smile, but it wasnt Mias big smile she used to have. We then found she couldnt eat anymore,so it was tube feeding for my Mia. I really felt i had lost my mia. One of the doctors thought mia might have had a stroke, but luckily that didnt happen. She had lost movement in her limbs and lost some vision. She wasnt tracking objects or lolking directly at me like she used to.
THIS WAS ALL MY FAULT
I AM HER MUM AND I DIDNT PICK UP THE BLOCKED SHUNT SIGN!!!! PUFFY EYES! I HAVE DONE THIS TO HER! I OWE HER EVERYTHING! I WILL NEVER LET THIS GUILT GO!
She was going so well in life until this dreadful day in october 2010.
I feel for her, being tube fed daily...not tasting that food again. She used to love food so much.
One thing that i really miss is her calling me mum. I havd never heard it since that day and i really dont know if i will hear it from her again. I am trying to get her to say it and she just laughs
at me! :-)
When we returned home from adelaide, Mia was vey different and my husband told me he said goodbye to her in his arms that day she stopped breathing, when i was on my way home. He told her it was ok to go and she didnt have to stay if she was too tired, we would be alright.
My god! I thought...how can you say that to her? She cant leave us? She is our daughter.
Am i being selfish thinking this?
I love my daughter so much and i dont want to lose her. I know though that alot of special needs mums dont know how long we have our children for and we make everyday special. I try to spend as much time as i can with Mia everyday, incase it is my last. At times it is very hard doing eveything but she is my little girl and i love her to pieces. I feel like i have made her like this and i need to do what i can to make life as easy as possible for her, and as normal as it can be.
At triage i told them the symptoms and we were taken in immediately and a dr came straight over to us. I was sitting on the bed with mia resting on my legs, as i was holding her she stopped breathing. We there less than 15 minutes!
Nurses came fom everywhere, one of them got the scissors and cut her tshirt open, the doctor was calling for the other doctor to come. I remember the other dr yelling out from behind the curtain that she was doing something and be there soon. The doctor working on mia yelled out NOW!she has stopped breathing...then everything started to get crazy. I was crying, watching all these people do all these medical things to my daughter to save her life. I was just staring. A nurse then got me a chair, another then bought me her baby pandora bracelet. This made me cry even more. This to me was a sign i had lost her, that she was gone. Giving jewelery is what happens at death. My parents wedding rings were given to me when they died, i assumed this is what just happened with Mia. I was a mess.
I rang josh and said he needed to get up to the hospital imediately that things werent good, i also rang my mother in law who is very close to Mia. They were both there within ten minutes.
By now the doctors who had happened to be down from darwin hospital were asking me questins about her condition,her neuro surgery team in adelaide etc. One doctor rang the surgeon in adelaide who talked her through a procedure to drain fluid from Mias brain. My god! You have got to be joking i thought...a doctor being talked through a procedure, not really knowing what to do? I thought id lose Mia for good! However, these doctors savec my little girls life,Mia was back but with breathing tube in. Her face and eyes were so puffed up you couldnt recognise her. It was like she had gone ten rounds with mike tyson! But hey, she was alive.
We were flown to darwin immediately...i had to quickly drive home to get some gear as we would be off to adelaide aswell for weeks. On the way home of course i was pullec over by police as the speed camera was out! What a great day i was having! They asked me why i was speeding i told them what had happened and before id finished my sentence they said, off you go, quick! Good to have cops with a heart!
When i arrived back at the hospital we waited for the ambulance to take us to the plane. Josh and Gosia (mother in law) said goodbye and we were off. In darwin she was taken straigt to theatre to have an EVD put in ~this is a drainage tube on the outside of her head, which drains the fluid from her ventricles. I was shown to a room with a bed where i could lie down and rest whilst Mia was in theatre. Not that i could rest. But i laid down, thinking, waiting.
Finally she was out and they came and got me and took me to her in ICU. I was shocked....Mia my beautiful litle girl with long locks, with curls at the bottom was now bald, puffy and a tube breathing for her! After the initial shock weared off i was fine, thinking hair can grow back, she will get off this tube....at least she is here still.
 |
| mia at her 3rd bday- 6 months after surgery...hair growing back! |
After three weeks we got that surgery and the new shunt was in. Now came the hard part. Mia woke up but didnt recognise me. Nothing i did would get her laughing like she used to. After a few days she tried to smile, but it wasnt Mias big smile she used to have. We then found she couldnt eat anymore,so it was tube feeding for my Mia. I really felt i had lost my mia. One of the doctors thought mia might have had a stroke, but luckily that didnt happen. She had lost movement in her limbs and lost some vision. She wasnt tracking objects or lolking directly at me like she used to.
THIS WAS ALL MY FAULT
I AM HER MUM AND I DIDNT PICK UP THE BLOCKED SHUNT SIGN!!!! PUFFY EYES! I HAVE DONE THIS TO HER! I OWE HER EVERYTHING! I WILL NEVER LET THIS GUILT GO!
She was going so well in life until this dreadful day in october 2010.
I feel for her, being tube fed daily...not tasting that food again. She used to love food so much.
One thing that i really miss is her calling me mum. I havd never heard it since that day and i really dont know if i will hear it from her again. I am trying to get her to say it and she just laughs
at me! :-)
When we returned home from adelaide, Mia was vey different and my husband told me he said goodbye to her in his arms that day she stopped breathing, when i was on my way home. He told her it was ok to go and she didnt have to stay if she was too tired, we would be alright.
My god! I thought...how can you say that to her? She cant leave us? She is our daughter.
Am i being selfish thinking this?
 |
| mia 8 months after surgery, trying to get her passport photo to head to the USA for therapy. |
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