back to tennant

Life returned to normal back in Tennant. We both went back to

work and whilst I was working I felt like this pregnancy was like

any other I had had. It was when I went to bed each night that it

hit me. This was not like any other pregnancy I had had; this

pregnancy might die at birth. I cried myself to sleep most nights,

very quietly as I didn't want Josh to know or worry.

We had to discuss funeral plans, but that was too hard. We

couldn't get any furniture, clothing for the baby as we didn't know

what was going to happen. I found this so hard to deal with.

Being heavily pregnant with no nursery, people asking if I was

prepared and have everything I need and me lying to them and

putting on a smile.

I did feel like I had to buy one thing for her - an outfit to wear at

her funeral. So once I had that I suppose I felt I was prepared.

My mother in law Beckie was very supportive through this time. She

too is religious and was praying daily for us and the baby (as were lots

of people). We asked Beckie if she would take time off work and come

over to Adelaide to look after the girls whilst I gave birth to Mia. Of

course she said yes, she would have done anything. I wanted the girls

there incase things went bad, I wanted them to say goodbye in

person.

I remember Josh coming in to our bedroom once, I was on the bed

looking at funeral things on the net and during our conversation said;

"I think you should prepare yourself for the opposite, I think you

should prepare yourself for her living."